When I was younger, I was convinced my parents were secretly superheroes who knew everything. If I had a bad day and needed someone, my parents were there to listen to me. If I had a fever, my parents made sure I took medicine and slept well. I remember when I first heard my parents cry. I didn’t know about the recession, I knew that something bad had happened and that my parents weren’t powerful enough to stop it. I remember seeing my parents for the first time for who they were, just two young adults trying to figure out adulthood in a foreign land while taking care of children. This sudden recognition changed the way I interacted with my parents, and I knew that even though I still depended on them, it wasn’t to the extent where I put them on a pedestal as my younger self did. It made me wonder what my family dynamic would look like when my parents would start to depend on me more than I depend on them. In Leland’s readings, the sudden reversal of dependency is frequently mentioned, whether through anecdotes about his mother or interview subjects. These anecdotes often painted a painful picture of changing family dynamics. It made me wonder how I can address this reversal of dependency to my own family, or if I should even address it at all. With factors like pride, confusion, and financial circumstances, Leland’s interviews made it seem like it was difficult to even address this new dynamic between parent and child, and even more difficult especially when you don’t see your own parents’ relationship with their parents. In one of the class discussions I had with my classmates, I remember discussing the question, “In your own family, have you observed your parents taking care of their parents or any elderly family member? If so, what is the family dynamic like? Is there any tension or was it a smooth transition for this reversal of dependency?” This led to a conversation about multigenerational families living under the same roof, which was a new concept for me considering how my grandparents live on the other side of the world. I learned that the pandemic definitely caused more tension within multigenerational families, especially because of the parent-child clashing. Why do we find parents so irritating sometimes? Their chiding goes in one ear and out the other, even when we know that they’re just looking out for us. Is this what our parents will feel like when we’re the ones chiding them to take their medicines, to go exercise, and whatnot? Again, still something I don’t know how best to tackle but hopefully, with more intergenerational programs, there will be more context as to how we, as the children, can address the reversal of dependency with our beloved family, without causing too much tension.
2 Comments
Shina Luu
2/28/2022 04:02:25 pm
Hi Miyu, your reflection was beautifully written! I feel like you were able to capture and articulate what's been floating around in my mind really well. I think parentification is one way to put it, when a child takes greater care of their aging parents. Even so, I feel like it might not be completely the right word; even if older parents depend on a child for physical needs, many parents still have the emotional presence as a guardian with love for their child and stories of knowledge and experience just the same.
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Anthony Romero
3/6/2022 09:41:29 pm
Hello, I thought you comments on the reversal of dependency were very relatable. It's so shocking when a challenging time comes and reality just puts everything into perspective. My dad has always seemed like an incredibly strong person. He has a huge personality where you wouldn't think that anything could ever touch him. Up until last year he worked very hard in landscaping until he got a very severe case of COVID. Now it's up to me and my brother to take care of our parents in their time of need. I see it as a part of growing up and maturing.
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Miyu NakajimaMiyu Nakajima is a International Business major with a minor in Supply Chain. She is from San Jose, CA Archives
March 2022
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